Infertility Is Hard…How To Make It A Bit Easier
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There should be joy in planning to have a family. It should be filled with excitement, anticipation, and dreams of what your new life will look like, but for many families – 1 in 6 actually – it’s less about excitement and more about doctors, stress, medications, and needles…as well as sadness, loneliness and often shame.
How can we take an active role in our fertility journey and turn things around – for our mental health, for our overall wellbeing and to increase our chances of a positive cycle and ideally, a baby.
Let’s discuss some ways we can find some clarity and control while navigating fertility struggles and treatments to make the process a little easier and a lot more positive.
For many women, the lack of control and feeling as though you have no power over how, when or if you will get what you want (a baby) is a major factor in the negativity of fertility struggles. You might be told when to be intimate with your partner, what medications to take (you may not even know what they do), and given a calendar of what the next 6+ weeks of your life will look like. You want a baby, so you are going to follow the instructions, but meanwhile you are flooded with all the information and thinking “what is even happening.”
Related Read: 6 Life Lessons From My Fertility Journey
Here are some solutions to empowering yourself within a fertility cycle:
Make the most of your Dr. appts:
Take some time prior to the appointment, ideally when you are feeling calm and focused, and write out any questions or concerns you have. If you have any moments of “I wonder if…” before your appt, add it to the list. Then during the appointment, pull it out and make sure you have clear answers to your questions. I offer a helpful list of 20 questions for your fertility consult here.
Advocate for yourself:
If something isn’t clear, or doesn’t feel right – talk to your medical team. Know who you should be contacting and the best way to reach them for when questions or concerns arise. If you aren’t confident in any of the steps along the way, work through that with your team and don’t be afraid to repeat questions until you really understand the answers.
Get Organized:
The process can be so overwhelming – the appts, the calendar, the medications, the instructions. Get a notebook where you can list out all your instructions and the schedule that you are to take your medications. Set reminders on your phone or whatever device is most reliable for you. Some women buy a caddy or organization kit for their medications.
Educate yourself:
Learn all you can about your diagnosis and available treatment plans. Ask for literature and resources to learn more about your diagnosis and try to resist a google deep dive. Are there lifestyle changes that can help? Diet? Supplements? If prescribed medication, ask how it helps and what result does the team hope to see.
Related Read: The benefits to journaling during a fertility treatment cycle
Have a plan (and be mentally prepared for it to change):
Have an open conversation with your partner about what options you are open to, what you are not comfortable with and what options you want to consider. If you are trying to conceive on your own – speak with a trusted support person who can be your sounding board – it can be effective to say some of your thoughts and feelings out loud when working through difficult decisions.
Take care of yourself – physically, mentally, emotionally:
Self-care is an important puzzle piece when navigating something as complicated as fertility treatments. Take some time to identify what forms are going to be most effective for you and what makes you feel good and in control of your own body.
Physical examples may be:
Eating thoughtfully including whole foods that are benefiting your fertility journey, as well as drinking lots of water and moving in a way that feels good to you (yoga, walking, a dance class).
Mental examples may look like:
Meditation, a positive affirmations practice, or participating in something creative (painting, gardening, knitting).
Emotional examples could be:
Expressing yourself in a healthy way – a good cry, journaling, speaking with a support person.
A combination of these three is best so you are taking care of each of these parts of the whole being.
Related Read: Your Fertility Treatment Toolbox
Connection:
Lastly, it’s important to recognize the need for human connection when navigating something as complicated and difficult as fertility struggles. Healthy human connection is so important to our overall wellbeing. This might look like improving communication with your partner or spending quality time with them. Communicating with friends and family and potentially letting them in on your experience and sharing how they can support you.
Navigating fertility treatments or IVF can be incredibly isolating. Connecting with someone who has a similar experience or has been there and understands your pain can offer you comfort and validation that can be difficult to find elsewhere. Some people enjoy the anonymity and convenience of an online group while others might seek out an in-person support group such as those offered by Resolve.
While partners, family and friends can offer sympathy and support, it is a different experience working with a professional support person that can provide effective and valuable tools for working through this challenge. Do your homework and find someone whose work and personality speak to you.
Related Read: What Is It Like To Work With A Fertility Coach
Struggling to get pregnant or managing fertility treatments is incredibly difficult and complex. These strategies won’t magically eliminate the negatives but having effective tools to cope with it all will give you a sense of control and confidence that doesn’t just support your wellbeing, but also your family building goals.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed or lonely while trying to get pregnant or managing fertility treatments… let's talk.
I would love to help you navigate this challenging road and make the journey more positive. Schedule a chat today and follow Positive Fertility on Instagram for daily support and inspiration!
Don’t forget to download your FREE Ultimate IVF Checklist - a must read for anyone preparing for an upcoming treatment cycle.
