How Reading Saved My Sanity In The Midst Of Fertility Treatments
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While preparing for my first IVF cycle, I obsessed over everything I could be doing to give me the best chance of success. I researched online, participated in online support groups, changed my diet, adjusted my fitness routine, and thought about very little else besides getting pregnant.
I was completely distracted and shamelessly neglecting my relationships, my career, and my own happiness. All I could think about was what I needed to do to give myself the best chance of getting pregnant.
Related Read: 6 Life Lessons From My Fertility Journey
One night, while mindlessly channel surfing, I happened to catch an episode of Big Little Lies, the series based on the Liane Moriarty novel, and was immediately hooked. I began the second episode and then had a thought – I bet I would really enjoy reading the book. While I had always enjoyed reading, it had been a while since I was reading consistently – I was too distracted with my treatments.
I turned off the television and ordered the book. Once I began this novel, I didn’t want to put it down and had a truly important realization. Being lost in this exciting story with lots of twists was the only time I wasn’t thinking about my treatments. I was genuinely relaxed.
When I finished that book, I jumped into The Husband’s Secret – another of Moriaty’s novels, and then read The Girl On The Train, Where’d You Go, Bernadette, The Handmaid’s Tale, Orphan Train, and The Nightingale. I had unlocked an incredibly effective mechanism for finding calm and rest and I was, for the first time in a long time, hooked on reading.
Related Read: 10 Books To Read While Trying To Get Pregnant
I began making a special effort to visit independent bookstores when I traveled. I started a Goodreads account to track my reading and get ideas for what I would read next. I even started listening to podcasts about reading. I traded books with my mom and became a source for friends looking for their next read. I was tremendously proud to be a reader again and felt so good about myself. It was therapy I desperately needed, a safe escape that had benefits of confidence and knowledge I could have never imagined.
Meanwhile, in real life, the treatments continued and failed, forcing me to be patient and wait between cycles. I filled up my time with new reads to help with the stress and anxiety. By the end of that year, I had read 25 books (more than I ever read in a single year before) and was finally pregnant with my son. I read through the nights when I was too uncomfortable to sleep. I read in my hospital bed during my 30+ hours of labor (not much, but my book was there for me). Then I read while I nursed my baby boy in the middle of the night and, of course, read stories to him each day and every night before bedtime. What an incredible joy it was to share my love of reading and stories with the child I had been waiting for all this time.
Related Read: How To Make Fertility Treatments A Bit Easier
It’s been many years since I first picked up Big Little Lies. Hundreds of books later, reading is still my escape from the stress of life. Even when life gets busy – as it certainly does now that I have two young children, I do what I can to read every day, even if it’s just a few pages.
I’ve heard that instead of a person finding the right book, sometimes the right book finds you. I have certainly experienced that magic. I will always be grateful that Liane Moriarty’s story found me when it did, offering me exactly what I needed and then showing me how special a reading life can be. Sometimes, the right book is just what the doctor ordered.
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